Lean and Hungry
by MidnightGoddess2112
Summary: You all know the story of Julius Caesar. You've seen it through the eyes of Brutus, the betrayer; Caesar, the betrayed; and Antony, the avenger. But what about the man who set it all in motion? All bold text is Shakespeare's.
1. Chapter 1

All eyes were on Caesar as he finished speaking. He looked down at his audience like a king surveying his subjects. Did he fancy himself ruler already?  
>I knew that he did. My eyes were weaker than most other men's, yet in some ways so much sharper. I had always been able to see through people, look behind their faces, words, and deeds, and view their true intentions. In Caesar's case, I saw beyond the wise words and noble countenance to the ambition and cowardice inside. He wanted nothing more than to dominate these people, and we both knew it.<p>

Well, there was one man, among all Rome, that he would never rule! My hand strayed to the dagger at my side. I had been born as free as the wind that whistled in the trees, and I intended to die that way. My dagger had helped me out of many a tight spot in the past, but should Caesar or any other man take the throne, I would not hesitate to plunge it into my own breast.  
>Weren't all of us here human, from the lowliest commoner to the noblest senator? Why should any creature become greater than others of his kind? It seemed to me preposterous. Not only that, but I alone knew that for all his supposed bravery, the man was a coward. What of Rome then?<p>

As I turned to leave, I spotted Caesar speaking with someone who looked very familiar. Marcus Brutus, my oldest and dearest friend, and the one as high in Caesar's regard as Antony, if not higher.  
>An unfamiliar emotion, envy, flooded me as I watched them. I wasn't given to coveting what other people possessed. To do so would be foolish, and I was no fool. But as I watched Brutus's face, I wished with all my heart that, just once, he would look at me the way he was now looking at Caesar.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Brutus and I watched Caesar and his entourage leave.  
><strong>"Will you go see the order of the course?"<strong> I asked.  
><strong>"Not I."<br>"I pray you, do."**  
>He shook his head. <strong>"I am not gamesome; I do lack some part of that quick spirit that is in Antony. Let me not hinder, Cassius, your desires. I'll leave<strong> **you."  
><strong>I caught his wrist as he turned to leave. "Brutus, don't go. This is the first time we've been alone together in ages."  
>Brutus nodded. "You're right. I didn't have anything to do anyway. Staying and talking with an old friend never hurts."<p>

I tilted my head and looked him in the eye. **"Brutus, I do observe you now of late. I have not from your eyes that gentleness and show of love that I was wont to have. You bear too stubborn and too strange a hand over your friend that loves you." **  
>Brutus's gaze softened and he put a hand on my shoulder. <strong>"Cassius, be not deceived. If I have veiled my look, I turn the trouble of my countenance merely upon myself. Vexed I am of late with passions of some difference, conceptions only proper to myself, which give some soil, perhaps, to my behaviors. But let not therefore my good friends be grieved-among which number, Cassius, be you one-nor construe any further my neglect than that poor Brutus, with himself at war, forgets the shows of love to other men." <strong>

I was relieved. **"Then, Brutus, I have much mistook your passion, by means whereof this breast of mine hath buried thoughts of great value, worthy cogitations. Tell me, good Brutus, can you see your face?"**  
>His brow furrowed. <strong>"No, Cassius; for the eye sees not itself but by reflection, by some other things."<strong>  
>I nodded. <strong>"'Tis just; and it is very much lamented, Brutus, that you have no such mirrors as will turn your hidden worthiness into your eye, that you might see your shadow. I have heard where many of the best respect in Rome-except immortal Caesar-speaking of Brutus, and groaning underneath this age's yoke, have wished that noble Brutus had his eyes." <strong>

Brutus's hand fell off my shoulder, and he stepped back. **"Into what dangers would you lead me, Cassius, that you would have me seek into myself for that which is not in me?"  
>"Therefore, good Brutus, be prepared to hear. And since you know you cannot see yourself so well as by reflection, I, your glass, will modestly discover to yourself that of yourself which yet you know not of. And be not jealous on me, gentle Brutus. Were I a common laugher, or did use to stale with ordinary oaths my love to every new protester; if you know that I do fawn on men, and hug them hard, and after scandal them; or if you know that I profess myself in banqueting to all the rout, then hold me dangerous." <strong>

Trumpets sounded in the distance, and I heard people shouting. Brutus heard it too. **"What means this shouting? I do fear the people choose Caesar for their king." **  
>I tried to conceal my excitement. <strong>"Ay, do you fear it? Then I must think you would not have it so."<br>"I would not, Cassius, yet I love him well. But wherefore do you hold me here so long? What is it that you would impart to me? If it be aught toward the general good, set honor in one eye, and death i' th' other, and I will look on both indifferently; for let the gods so speed me as I love the name of honor more than I fear death."  
>"I know that virtue to be in you, Brutus, as well as I do know your outward favor. Well, honor is the subject of my story. I cannot tell what you and other men think of this life; but for my single self, I had as lief not be as live to be in awe of such a thing as I myself."<strong> I proceeded to tell the story of how Caesar had challenged me to a race in the churning, violent river, but I'd ended up having to rescue him before either one of us could win. **"And this man is now become a god, and Cassius is a wretched creature, and must bend his body if Caesar carelessly but nod on him. He had a fever when he was in Spain, and when the fit was on him I did mark how he did shake. 'Tis true, this god did shake! His coward lips did from their color fly, and that same eye whose bend doth awe the world did lose his luster. I did hear him groan-ay, and that tongue of his that bade the Romans mark him, and write his speeches in their books, alas, it cried 'Give me some drink, Titinius,' as a sick girl. Ye gods, it doth amaze me a man of such feeble temper should so get the start of the majestic world and bear the palm alone." **

I paused to take a breath. More trumpets roared.  
><strong>"Another general shout?"<strong> Brutus asked. **"I do believe that these applauses are for some new honors heaped on Caesar."  
><strong>**"Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world like a Colossus, and we petty men walk under his huge legs and peep about to find ourselves dishonorable graves. Men at some time are masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings. 'Brutus' and 'Caesar': what should be in that 'Caesar'? Why should that name be sounded more than yours? Write them together, yours is as fair a name. Sound them, it doth become the mouth as well. Weigh them, it is as heavy. Conjure with 'em, 'Brutus' will start a spirit as soon as 'Caesar.' Now in the names of all gods at once, upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed that he has grown so great?" **I clenched my fists. **"Age, thou art shamed! Rome, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods! When went there by an age, since the great flood, but it was famed with more than one man? When could they say, till now, that talked of Rome, that her wide walks encompassed but one man? Now it is Rome indeed, and room enough, when there is in it but only one man." **I stared deep into Brutus's eyes. **"O, you and I have heard our fathers say, there was a Brutus once that would have brooked th' eternal devil to keep his state in Rome as easily as a king." **

Brutus stood there, frowning slightly, as he always did when he was thinking very hard about something. Finally he spoke. **"That you do love me, I am nothing jealous. What you would work me to, I have some aim. How I have thought of this, and of these times, I shall recount hereafter. For this present, I would not, so with love I might entreat you, be any further moved. What you have said I will consider; what you have to say I will with patience hear, and find a time both meet to hear and answer such high things. Till then, my noble friend, chew on this: Brutus had rather be a villager than to repute himself a son of Rome under these hard conditions as this time is likely to lay upon us."  
>"I am glad that my weak words have struck but thus much show of fire from Brutus," <strong>I said, with absolute sincerity.


	3. Chapter 3

**"What a blunt fellow is this grown to be!"** Brutus remarked to Casca's retreating back. **"He was quick mettle when he went to school." **  
>I nodded thoughtfully. <strong>"So is he now in execution of any bold or noble enterprise, however he puts on this tardy form. This rudeness is a sauce to his good wit, which gives men stomach to digest his words with better appetite."<br>"And so it is," **Brutus agreed. **"For this time I will leave you. Tomorrow, if you please to speak with me, I will come home to you: or, if you will, come home to me, and I will wait for you."  
>"I will do so. Till then, think of the world."<strong>  
>Brutus nodded. "I will. Farewell, Caius."<br>"Farewell, Marcus," I said softly. Brutus left.

I had overheard what Caesar had said to Antony about me. The old man knew me better than I thought. So he thought I was too slender? Let him! I liked my body; I preferred it to the rounder, plumper forms of my neighbors. Too thin to be trusted! Imagine such a thing.

I knew what Caesar thought of me. He thought that I was a man without feelings, without a heart. But that was not true. I had a heart that felt just as deeply as that of any other man. Especially for one person in particular...No, I wouldn't let my thoughts stray in that direction tonight.

Whatever he might have told Antony, Caesar feared me. Of this I was sure. "As well you should, Julius," I whispered to the air. Oh, if only he knew. Contempt for the old, cowardly fool rose in my breast, accompanied by determination. Whatever had to be done to ensure that liberty reigned once more, I would do it. And I knew who else would, too.

**"Well, Brutus, thou are noble, yet I see thy honorable mettle may be wrought from that it is disposed,"** I said softly. **"Therefore it is meet that noble minds keep ever with their likes; for who so firm that cannot be seduced? Caesar doth bear me hard, but he loves Brutus. If I were Brutus now, and he were Cassius, he should not humor me. I will this night, in several hands, in at his windows throw, as if they came from several citizens, writings, all tending to the great opinion that Rome holds of his name, wherein obscurely Caesar's ambition shall be glanced at."** I permitted a smile to creep across my face. "**And after this let Caesar seat him sure, for we will shake him, or worse days endure." **

The sun had set, and a few stars had come out. With a light heart and a determined mind, I turned around and headed for home.


	4. Chapter 4

The jagged lightning split the sky and the thunder roared with such ferocity that the very earth beneath my feet seemed to cower in terror. It trembled, but I did not, instead holding my head high and boldly striding through the heart of the storm's fury. I knew I wasn't the only one out on this night, but I doubted anyone was enjoying it as much as I was.

All around me, people were running, a few even screaming. Why were they so afraid? They had nothing to fear. The lions in the Capitol were more dangerous to them than this weather, yet they didn't flee before _them_. Not because the lions were all that docile, but because the storm _looked_ so much scarier. It was a pity so many things appeared more frightening than they actually were, like this night, and Caesar.

Caesar. A name reverently whispered by so many, though its owner hardly deserved it. A name that would doubtless be remembered years and years later, either because of Caesar's life, or his death. A death I would have a hand in, if all this worked out according to plan. A death that would be unfortunate, but necessary. Necessary, that is, if I wanted to keep my freedom. And keep it I would. I knelt to no one, least of all anyone as mortal as myself, which Caesar certainly was. Better to be struck down by lightning tonight, if the gods so saw fit, and die a free man, than to be a king's subject even for an instant. I had not been born into this world to be a slave.

A particularly blinding bolt struck the ground not far from me, and I showed the thunderclouds my bare chest in response. Let them claim me, if they wished; I didn't care. Playing with fate was dangerous, but it was the only game I liked. As if taking up my challenge, the heavens began hurling bolts like children would stones until I was nearly blinded. Yet somehow, they all seemed to just miss me. In spite of myself, I laughed. It was probably a brazen thing to do, but I couldn't help it. I didn't care that I was getting soaked to the skin or still putting my life on the line. I felt like I could take on anything and win.

I'd never really believed in omens or destiny, but this tempest seemed like a harbinger of great things to come, things that would change the course of history forever. And they would come indeed. I refused to let all my careful plotting go to waste. But if it did, if all our efforts were in vain...well, there was always my dagger. The act of killing oneself was generally frowned upon, but if it came to that, I would gladly take my own life, no matter what it cost my honor. I tilted my head back and smiled up at the sky, letting the rain lash my face. The time of fear and suffering in Rome would soon be at an end; my comrades and I would see to that, or I would die. There was still the small matter of Brutus, but I had no doubt he'd give in eventually. My mood opposed the weather; I felt calmer and more sure of myself than I had in a long time. It felt good.


	5. Chapter 5

Brutus's eyes glowed with a light I'd never before seen; it was almost identical to the look he got before going into battle, but not quite. **"Give me your hands all over, one by one."  
>"And let us swear our resolution,"<strong> I added.  
>Brutus shook his head. <strong>"No, not an oath. If not the face of men, the sufferance of our souls, the time's abuse - if these motives be weak, break off betimes, and every man hence to his idle bed. So let high-sighted tyranny range on till each man drop by lottery. But if these - as I am sure they do - bear fire enough to kindle cowards and to steel with valor the melting spirits of women, then, countrymen, what need we any spur but our own cause to prick us to redress?"<strong> His voice gathered strength, until he sounded like a general addressing his troops. **"What other bond than secret Romans that have spoke the word and will not palter? And what other oath than honesty to honesty engaged, that this shall be, or we will fall for it? Swear priests, and cowards, and men cautelous, old feeble carrions, and such suffering souls that welcome wrongs; unto bad causes swear such creatures as men doubt; but do not stain the even virtue of our enterprise, nor th' insuppressive mettle of our spirits, to think that or our cause or our performance did need an oath, when every drop of blood that every Roman bears, and nobly bears, is guilty of a several bastardy if he do break the smallest particle of any promise that hath passed from him!"**

If there had been silence before, now all was dead quiet. Part of me wanted to applaud, but I held it in check. Such displays of emotion were a luxury I had never allowed myself.  
><strong>"But what of Cicero? Shall we sound him?"<strong> I asked. **"I think he will stand very strong with us."  
><strong>**"Let us not leave him out,"** Casca agreed.  
><strong>"No, by no means,"<strong> Cinna added.  
><strong>"O, let us have him, for his silver hairs will purchase us a good opinion, and buy men's voices to commend our deeds. It shall be said that his judgement ruled our hands. Our youths and wildness shall no whit appear, but all be buried in his gravity,"<strong> Metellus declared.  
>Brutus shook his head again. <strong>"O, name him not. Let us not break with him, for he will never follow anything that other men begin."<br>"Then leave him out,"** I said quickly.  
>Casca nodded. <strong>"Indeed, he is not fit."<strong>

**"Shall no man else be touched but only Caesar?"** Decius asked.  
><strong>"Decius, well urged. I think it is not meet Mark Antony, so well beloved of Caesar, should outlive Caesar. We shall find of him a shrewd contriver; and you know, his means, if he improve them, may well stretch so far as to annoy us all; which to prevent, let Antony and Caesar fall together," <strong> I answered.  
>"I don't think so," Brutus said. <strong>"Our course will seem too bloody, Caius Cassius, to cut the head off and then hack the limbs, like wrath in death and envy afterwards; for Antony is but a limb of Caesar. Let us be sacrificers, but not butchers, Caius. We all stand up against the spirit of Caesar, and in the spirit of men there is no blood. O, that we could then come by Caesar's spirit and not dismember Caesar!"<strong> He sighed. **"But, alas, Caesar must bleed for it. And, gentle friends, let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully; let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods, not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds. And let our hearts, as subtle masters do, stir up their servants to an act of rage and after seem to chide 'em. This shall make our purpose necessary, and not envious; which so appearing to the common eyes, we shall be called purgers, not murderers."** Brutus looked around at us, his gaze resting on me a moment before moving on. **"And for Mark Antony, think not of him, for he can do no more than Caesar's arm when Caesar's head is off."**

I bit my lip. Antony was more loyal to Caesar than a hound to its master, and far from harmless. Why did Brutus underestimate him so? **"Yet I fear him, for in the engrafted love he bears to Caesar-"**  
>Brutus interrupted me. <strong>"Alas, good Cassius, do not think of him. If he love Caesar, all that he can do is to himself - take thought, and die for Caesar. And that were much he should, for he is given to sports, to wildness, and much company."<strong>  
>Trebonius smiled at me reassuringly. <strong>"There is no fear in him. Let him not die, for he will live and laugh at this hereafter."<strong>  
><em>No, he won't,<em> I thought, and was opening my mouth to say it when the clock struck.

Brutus raised a hand. **"Peace! Count the clock."  
><strong>I listened. **"The clock hath stricken three."**  
>Trebonius nodded. <strong>"'Tis time to part."<strong>  
>It was clear there would be no further discussion of Antony tonight. I decided to voice another concern. <strong>"But it is doubtful yet whether Caesar will come forth today or no; for he is superstitious grown of late, quite from the main opinion he held once of fantasy, of dreams, and ceremonies. It may be these apparent prodigies, the unaccustomed terror of this night, and the persuasion of his augurers may hold him from the Capitol today."<strong>  
>Decius shook his head. <strong>"Never fear that. If he be so resolved, I can o'ersway him; for he loves to hear that unicorns may be betrayed with trees, and bears with glasses, elephants with holes, lions with toils, and men with flatterers. But when I tell him he hates flatterers, he says he does, being then most flattered. Let me work, for I can give his humor the true bent, and I will bring him to the Capitol."<strong>  
>I shook my head.<strong> "Nay, we will all of us be there to fetch him."<br>"By the eighth hour, is that the uttermost?"** Brutus asked.  
>Cinna nodded. <strong>"Be that the uttermost, and fail not then."<strong>

Metellus spoke up. **"Caius Ligarius doth bear Caesar hard, who rated him for speaking well of Pompey. I wonder none of you have thought of him."**  
>"Good idea," Brutus said. <strong>"Now, good Metellus, go along by him. He loves me well, and I have given him reasons. Send him but hither and I'll fashion him."<strong>

The sky was steadily lightening as sunrise neared. We could stay here no longer. **"The morning comes upon us. We'll leave you, Brutus. And, friends, disperse yourselves - but all remember what you have said, and show yourselves true Romans."**  
>"He speaks truth," Brutus said. <strong>"Good gentlemen, look fresh and merrily. Let not our looks put on our purposes, but bear it as our Roman actors do, with untired spirits and formal constancy. And so good morrow to you every one."<strong>

One by one, our friends exited the garden. I was the last to slip through the gate, glancing at Brutus over my shoulder as I did so. His eyes met mine, and there was sadness and resignation in them, but also the resolve to do what must be done. Just as I had known there would be.

As I closed the gate, I felt a flicker of something I hadn't felt this entire time: anxiety. It didn't make sense. Why was I having doubts now, right when everything was going smoothly? Was it Antony? Or something else? What if something went wrong? What if our conspiracy was discovered? What if my plan failed? I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself. There was no cause for such thoughts. Everything would work out fine. It had to.


End file.
